Bring Mother To Live With You - Dream Or Nightmare?

The trend of the extended family system, contrary to popular opinion, is coming back for a highly successful second career, according to those whose business it is to monitor family fashion fads.

Some of the reasons behind the decision to take an elderly relative into your home might be financial as well as emotional. Many people find that, when a daughter and her husband, or perhaps a son and wife, decide to upgrade their home, it involves placing an inhibitive distance between Granny and her darlings, or moving the children to an area where the schools are not so desirable. Often, the upgrade is not affordable in a good location, yet moving to another area miles away can secure a bigger home for the same financial input.

So the temptation is to sell up and move in with Granny, thus ensuring not only a bigger house but a live in babysitter. Well, a good reason for not even considering this plan is that as soon as Granny is living in the annexe or the second bedroom, your usually calm and nurturing Gran turns into something closely resembling Hannibal Lecter, except more aggressive.

I have seen the situation time and time again. Oh no, you say to yourself, that will not happen to us because Granny really loves us, we are such a close family. Rubbish - this attitude is naive. It is a fact that, as people get older , they become less tolerant of change, more testy, less able to see anothers point of view; and downright difficult.

The elderly lady, who seemed, three weeks ago, to display all the charming traits of elderly independence, suddenly has you promising to be home by ten and you find yourself asking her permission to leave the table. You try to retain your adult status in your own home, but without success because the fact is YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER.

There are a number of remedies for this impossible situation you find yourself in, but most of them involve the purchase of a firearm or filling out immigration papers. Some of these heartbreaking problems resolve themselves over time for some people, but the truth is there is usually a great deal of compromise necessary by the major mover in it all you!

You will find a large measure of your independence disappearing in a cloud of knitting patterns and trips to the local chemist. Your kitchen becomes a battleground where two cooks struggle for supremacy in a pastry war; usually the senior contender triumphs as the junior cannot bring herself to bash her mother over the head with a rolling pin.

The triangle of emotion set off when an elderly relative adds a third generation to the household is usually charged with stress and aggravation. Very few formulas for success exist within this tinder box situation, and those successes usually hinge on someones personal, private unhappiness. The upgrade can hardly be worth it.

Jan Gamm writes reflections on life with an emphasis on world travel. She has lived in many countries and traveled extensively in the Far East, the Middle East, America, South America and throughout the South Pacific. She writes for fun and for money whenever she can manage it.

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